$3 Cashew Chicken Special w/ Egg Roll and Wonton, Please

Why LiLo is the pariah of the gay community
and why right-wing conservatives love that she's a lesbian

So here's the deal, Lindsay. You can be whoever the hell you want to be. I don't give a shit. But why did you have to be gay? Is it a phase? Is it to continually capitulate yourself into the tabloid sphere and therefore remain an imminent celebrity?

Get this: The conservative right is always looking for more ammunition against the homosexual community. They don't stop. They don't even eat or sleep, they're trying so hard to put us in a negative light. They absolutely can not, will not accept anything different to themselves. Especially homosexuality. So it follows, then, that they can't possibly imagine the idea of normal homosexual people in normal happy relationships leading normal happy lives.

Lohan, get your shit in order. This is a critical time for gay rights, which as far as I'm aware you don't give a rat's ass about. The last thing we need is you as an example of how well-adjusted the queer community is. Fuck, you're a step backward: in the wrong direction. That being said, you be whoever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, whoever you want to do. Whoever will do you. I hope this isn't some cry for attention, or that you don't think you could find legitimate affection from anyone other than a lesbian, because I really want to honestly believe maybe you're actually a genuine person inside that coked-out paparazzi-harrassed red-headed body.

*gets off soap box*

If you haven't seen the intro to the last SNL, here it is. Not only am I eternally horny for Tina Fey, I am also remarkably surprised at how much she really looks like Palin in this skit. It's almost enough to make me not in love with her [Tina] any more.


Life, The Universe, and Everything?

In case you were wondering what I am thinking at this very particular moment (which of course I'm sure that you are)... Here it is:

1. I love Coldplay. (There's a chance that I'm listening to X&Y right now) Small wonder Gwyneth Paltrow married the frontman... if someone wrote songs like that I'd marry them too. In a similar but tangential statement I also love Radiohead.

2. I found a neat picture today:

It makes me wonder what a Jackson Pollock would look like if he had gotten ahold of Photoshop CS2. I don't think the world is ready for that.

3. I got a new(er) and much less-smelly couch today, which I am comfortably resting my posterior on while posting a blog which is pretty trivial compared to the massive amounts of reading I should be doing for my History class.

4. I also bought myself a little present. Well, little is subjective I suppose considering that it is actually 5 feet long... That's right. A fire-staff. Now I can be simultaneously cool and geeky and gay whilst spinning kerosene-lit kevlar wicks rapidly around myself. At least it is pretty to watch... even if Sarah thinks it's lame salad.

Well I suppose that's it for today; now it's off to work serving/explaining Mediterranean fine dining to people who've never experienced an ounce of culture in their lives. At least work is never boring.

Hasta la proxima vez,


PS--> the answer is 42.

Not so fast, Indiana Jones!

I am quite frankly not nearly clever enough to be starting a blog. However, while simultaneously being terribly un-clever and probably less witty than I imagine, I am very highly jealous and awed by some of my favorite blogs... meaning that I find them as clever and witty as I one day hope people think I am.

Fuck. [Off to very bad start as world-class-humor-blog-writer-savant]

The thing is, I just know people are going to look at this and thank their lucky charms that they don't live within a hundred miles of this "crazy lunatic bastard". Being a college student, a *cough* very liberal one at that, I am [almost] completely used to this kind of what-planet-are-you-from reaction. Although, I am used to seeing it face to face rather than having to face internet rejection.
The question becomes thus: Am I ready to thrust myself into the great world of blogging? Do I even dare to place my utterances in the same universe as my highly esteemed (and highly underpaid and unappreciated, I'm sure) fellow bloggers? Don't even pretend that everyone's blogs don't ooze middle-class resentment... you know what I'm talking about.

For now, I suppose, this will have to do as a "first" entry. I'm sure that they will get much funnier and fucked up as they go.


PS I completely forgot that yesterday was the umpteenth anniversary of 9/11. No kidding... The thought never even crossed my mind.
PPS I am a terrible effing American.

PPPS This photo is simply the reason I get up in the morning =)