$3 Cashew Chicken Special w/ Egg Roll and Wonton, Please

Why LiLo is the pariah of the gay community
and why right-wing conservatives love that she's a lesbian

So here's the deal, Lindsay. You can be whoever the hell you want to be. I don't give a shit. But why did you have to be gay? Is it a phase? Is it to continually capitulate yourself into the tabloid sphere and therefore remain an imminent celebrity?

Get this: The conservative right is always looking for more ammunition against the homosexual community. They don't stop. They don't even eat or sleep, they're trying so hard to put us in a negative light. They absolutely can not, will not accept anything different to themselves. Especially homosexuality. So it follows, then, that they can't possibly imagine the idea of normal homosexual people in normal happy relationships leading normal happy lives.

Lohan, get your shit in order. This is a critical time for gay rights, which as far as I'm aware you don't give a rat's ass about. The last thing we need is you as an example of how well-adjusted the queer community is. Fuck, you're a step backward: in the wrong direction. That being said, you be whoever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, whoever you want to do. Whoever will do you. I hope this isn't some cry for attention, or that you don't think you could find legitimate affection from anyone other than a lesbian, because I really want to honestly believe maybe you're actually a genuine person inside that coked-out paparazzi-harrassed red-headed body.

*gets off soap box*

If you haven't seen the intro to the last SNL, here it is. Not only am I eternally horny for Tina Fey, I am also remarkably surprised at how much she really looks like Palin in this skit. It's almost enough to make me not in love with her [Tina] any more.


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