The Rantings of an Adolescent Homosexual Commitment-phobe
So. I understand that there are plenty of marriages out there that last forever and ever until death do they part (death's a bitch, sometimes) and that there are many many many happy, committed couples that stay together and pray together and blah blah blah. So here's the thing: I don't think marriage is the be all, end all.
I increasingly find myself becoming a pariah for thinking (and saying) so, but it's true. Marriage is not the final answer to relationships. And here's why:
One. I can't even get married in this country. No, not even in California, silly. That's a gimmick. A joke. And Republicans don't agree with it anyhow. So marriage, for me, in this way, is not even a viable option. Which is just fine as I don't plan on getting married any time soon [if ever].
Two. People seem to have this idea that relationships progress along a very certain system, a list of the "right" way to meet someone, fall in love, and follow a very boring plot line for said relationship. I think it goes something like this:
A. Meet desired partner.
B. Become infatuated [minorly obsessed with said person].
C. Start dating.
D. Start fucking.
E. Fall in love and/or have children*.
*having children is negotiable at E stage; it is often the product of D stage, in which case E stage also becomes negotiable
F. Get married.
G. Get a mortgage on a house you can't afford.
H. Have children/more children.
I. Attempt to raise children.
J. Deal with separation anxiety when said children grow up and begin relationship processes of their own.
K. Grow old together and take really dumb vacations to places like Tunica, MS.
L. Death does you part.
However, this is not the only method that works, and although it works for everyone who has a 1950's view of the family, *cough* conservatives *cough*, there are many different ways to go about this process. It is particularly interesting to mix up the steps a little and see where that leads, or, some people never decide to make it past stage D.
This "linear" idea of the relationship process is embedded into our psyche from the moment we meet dysfunctional mommy and daddy. It's the only norm presented by our modern society. And if you don't follow this norm, you're defective. You don't get it. You don't make the cut. You're not "relationship material".
Let's face it, many people are happy to be single and enjoy all the promiscuous sex they can handle in their relatively short lifespan. And many people add a divorce stage at random at any stage between F. and L.
Three. Marriages don't work FOR-EV-ER. Many times you wake up ten years later next to a complete stranger, or even worse, THE SAME PERSON YOU MARRIED. People grow and change, that doesn't stop after age 25. Sometimes they grow together, sometimes they grow apart. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Marriage doesn't have to be forever. It's a nice idea, it's just a fourteen-year-old-schoolgirl idea of romance and love and happy endings. I don't write this because I'm bitter or disillusioned or jaded or spurned or had a bad childhood; I write this because it's the truth. Marriages can last for twenty years, ten years, five years, two years. It's the idea of commitment (at the time) that counts. Saying, "Look, I will devote myself entirely to you so long as we can stand to be devoted to each other." Marriage is a serious commitment, to be sure, but it is not the solution to the relationship equation. It shouldn't be entered into or exited out of lightly, either. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with ending a marriage when it's done and over, when the two people are neither in love nor compatible any longer.
And for being single: that works for some people. Why is there such pressure in today's society to have a partner, a significant other, a lover, a companion? Some people go their whole lives without marrying or committing, not because they can't, but because they don't want to. Again, there's nothing wrong with that.
So this question of "when will you meet a nice boy/girl and settle down?" is one that is entirely out-dated and slightly ignorant. I think people should decide what works for them on their own terms, without being told from infancy that there is a certain formula for reciprocal happiness with a significant other. Marriage should be considered an option, not a goal. Marriage doesn't (at least, it shouldn't) give you any higher standing or more respect as an individual. Congratulations! You've mastered commitment! Huzzah for you!
Now fuck off and let the rest of us single people lead our lonely lives running from all forms of relationships. HA!
No, seriously, I really mean all of that but the preceding sentence. And I might mean that just a little.
So, since this has been a ranting blog, let me end it with something REALLY amusing, stolen from Aa at Braving the Elements.